Okay, so Quiznos is not a Diet Food...

...but it is so yummy! My boss buys us lunch each Monday, and today it was Quiznos.

I've got to figure out how I'm going to incorporate Free Lunch Mondays into the eating plan, come next week. *think, think*

New Year, New Challenges = New (and Better) Me!

Well, once again here I am at the end of a year, no better off - and no more closer to being fit - than I was 365 days ago. But I'm out of excuses now. I know how to eat, I know I need to exercise, but I just don't do it. Why? I don't know, except to say that I get frustrated at my lack of progress when I do it.

My wonky back has been well documented here, and it's only getting worse. Probably because my weight isn't coming down. But you try exercising when it's painful to put on your socks.

But as I said, I'm out of excuses. I'm having a very difficult time finding any clothes to fit me, not to mention look good, and frankly I'm tired of wearing jeans and long sleeve shirts all year round because I'm ashamed to show my arms and legs. I hate the way I feel. But you want to know a huge chunk of my motivation? My best friend's wedding!

Yes, my best friend Lori is getting married in October 2010. Lori's not a small girl herself, but she is much smaller than I am. Thankfully, her choices of bridesmaids represent a wide range of body types, from very thin to very, ahem, full-figured. I'd prefer to be one of the bridesmaids on the thinner side, or at least in the middle. And yes, I know a wedding is all about the bride, but dammit I want to be a hot bridesmaid!!! And I want a date for the wedding!!!

My main motivation is, however, my health, which has been fairly good to this point. Aside from my thyroid, my hormonal issues and my back, overall I'm pretty healthy for a fat girl in her mid-40's. But I know things can change fairly quickly and I want to try to prevent that from happening. So, losing weight is not a New Year's resolution, or even a goal...it's a priority.

Here's the plan - For the first month, I'm going to follow a 30-day jump start diet, followed by a clean-eating way of life (notice I didn't say "diet" - I believe this must become a way of life for me). I am going to be trying new recipes and experimenting with new foods and ways of cooking. I'm also going to start exercising (seriously, I am...okay now, y'all can stop laughing). I have to take it slow at first, because I am the definition of couch potato, but I am going to do it. I have to.

My goals for 2010 are:
By March 31 - rid my body of 25 pounds
By June 30 - 50 pounds
By September 30 75 pounds
By October 15 (or Lori's wedding day, whichever is first) - 80 pounds
By December 31 - 100 pounds.

Yes, I want to lose 100 pounds in 12 months. I realize this looks rather ambitious, and perhaps it is - my biggest weight loss to date was 30 pounds, and that took me nine months to do, although I didn't exercise. So if I only lose 80-90 I won't beat myself up.

There it is. I'm going to do my darndest to stick to it. I will post here periodically on my progress., including photos!

So belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone. May it be a happy - and healthy - 2010 for all of us!

Do Over

Well, this week sucked. I got really off track early and couldn't seem to get back on track no matter how hard I tried. So I am going to do Week 2 over, starting tomorrow, or rather, later today. I don't have to go grocery shopping because I really didn't eat the food I was supposed to. *blushes with embarrassment*

So, I'm off to bed to begin Week 2 anew...

So Disappointing

So I weighed myself today...I didn't lose anything. Not. One. Damn. Pound. I am so disappointed! I stood in the shower this morning and cried. Why? Why did I not lose anything, not even half a pound? I stuck to the food plan almost religiously (I ate chicken breast instead of fish and had to swap out a couple of lunches because I don't have access to a refrigerator or microwave at work), and I know those few jelly beans I ate couldn't have caused me not to lose anything.

After I (somewhat) recovered, I came up with a few theories -

1. Lack of exercise. I didn't do as much exercise as the program recommends, mostly because I have a bad ankle and it was hurting me. When I did exercise, I used a stationary bike. I don't have access to a treadmill and the weather was kind of crappy last week to go outside and walk. Plus I find walking to be so incredibly boring, so it takes a bit for me to get motivated to do it.

2. My metabolism. I am hypothyroid, and also I'm prematurely menopausal (I'm 44 and I went through natural menopause at 30). With all my f-ed up hormones, it's probably not surprising I didn't lose weight.

3. My diet. Before I began this program, I would say I was a 50/50 eater - half the time I ate healthy, and half the time I ate crap. But I never consumed huge amounts of anything. So could it be possible that my caloric intake was not much above the 1,500 I'm consuming now? If that's the case, I'm not going to lose weight, because the whole idea is that in order to lose weight you're supposed to use up more calories than you take in. So I would have to use up more calories, ideally through exercise. But geez, I have over 100 pounds to lose. I can't exercise THAT much!! I mean, it takes like an hour of walking to work off 300 calories!! I'd need to walk 12 hours a week to burn off one stinking pound!

I don't know what the answer is, but for now I'm going to follow the plan for another week, and see what happens next Sunday. My mom said maybe my body is just adjusting to the different food. I'm not sure about that. I hope I lose at least three pounds this week, because otherwise, I don't know what else to do.

Okay, So Here's the Deal...

I had just about given up on trying to do anything...I mean, I haven't been successful to this point, so why not just be fat and happy, right?

But then I went shopping for spring clothes and NOTHING fits me! Literally! I have to wear shirts I bought 3-4 years ago because I cannot find a shirt that isn't too small. The deal-breaker was a beautiful cardigan sweater I bought at Lane Bryant. Since I gained some weight over the last year I've been wearing a 22/24 in tops at LB. Unfortunately that size sweater did not fit! I ordered the next size up - 26/28 - and was all set to wear it for Easter, and the night before I tried it on and...it didn't fit!! It was too small - it showed every bulge across my back, the buttons gaped open all the way down the front and the sleeves were too tight.

On top of that, I am going to a Detroit Tigers game with the people I work with next month. Since the player whose name is on my Tigers t-shirt was traded - Ivan Rodriguez - I decided to get a new Tigers shirt. So I waddle on over to JCPenney's team apparel shop and buy 2 Tigers shirts without player names, in a men's XXL. They're too small!! As a matter of fact, as I sit here typing, I'm wearing a men's XXXL t-shirt, and it's really not all too big.

So, about a week and a half ago I just decided I'd had enough. I made a shopping list, went shopping last weekend, weighed myself on Sunday (a number which shall remain known only to me and God, at least for now) and on Monday I changed the way I now eat. I'm not saying "diet" because it sounds like deprivation to me. And I've done quite well so far - I've not had any candy, chocolate or other "bad" foods, aside from about 12 Jelly Belly's. I'm eating a lot of fruit, I've discovered Greek yogurt (it's so yummy, but too rich to eat like regular yogurt, with fruit and such) and I'm actually eating vegetables, too.

I am actually amazed at how easy it has been for me. On Thursday, I thought, I haven't had any candy or cookies or chips or any of that kind of stuff in four days, and I don't really miss it. But temptation still exists - the hardest thing for me has been not really snacking at night, and keeping my paws out of the candy bowls at work. I just make sure I have my snacks planned out ahead of time so I'm not tempted to grab the first thing I see.

Tomorrow morning is my first weigh-in since I started and hopefully I will have lost some weight. I'll post the results tomorrow evening.

Diet, interrupted

Sometimes life interferes with the best laid plans.

So it goes with my fitness/weight loss plans. The last month and a half has been difficult for me. On January 24 my dad fell and broke his hip. He had surgery the next day and was in hospital for a week, then transferred to an in-patient rehab facility. So, since January 31, my life has been work and visiting my dad. No time to really cook anything healthy, because I work 50 miles away from where the rehab facility is located.

Then, on January 30, I got into a car accident. I'm fine, but my car was damaged and had to be fixed. Usually when my car needs repairs, I borrow my mom's car, but with my dad in the rehab facility, she was going to see him every day and obviously needed her car. So I had to rent - for a week. I'd never rented a car before and didn't realize how expensive it is!!

Right when this happened, my hours at work got cut. I went from working 30 hours a week, to 22, to 18. Just when I needed the money most - my car insurance doesn't have rental coverage, so I had to pay out-of-pocket.

And wait...there's more. Last week I had flu. Ugh. I was so sick for two solid days. The first day I slept almost all day, getting out of bed only to go to the bathroom to puke and poop.

Now for the good news - my dad is coming home tomorrow, my car is fixed, and this week my work hours were back up to 30. :) Things are looking up.

Which means...I'm recommitting myself to my program - again! In fact, I bought some new exercise DVD's last week end and I'm considering buying a new bike - my first in 30 years - to tool around the neighborhood once the weather breaks.

And I will TRY to post here more often! Things seem to be settling down and returning to normal, for the most part, so I'm going to have more time to concentrate on myself and do what I need to do to get healthy.

Another thought...

Maybe if I start posting what I eat, I'll be more accountable.

So starting tomorrow, I'm going to do just that. Actually, that's really how this blog got started - my best friend Lori and I were both trying to lose weight, and we started blogs as sort of online food diaries to let each other know what we were eating and how we were doing. So I guess I'm kind of going back to my roots. LOL

A couple of weeks in

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Or should I say, it was the best of intentions, and it was the worst of times. LOL

Yeah, not going too well for me at the moment. I just can't seem to pick up any momentum. I'm doing the same thing I've done in the past - breakfast starts out really well, lunch is okay, the rest of the work day is fine, then dinner and the evening happens...and I start snacking.

It's not how much I eat, it's what I eat. I mean, I have a container of plain low-fat yogurt in the fridge and frozen berries in the freezer so I could make a really yummy parfait, but instead I grab the mini Hershey bars or the Jelly Bellys. And the thing is, I'd really much rather have the yogurt. Why do I not take the time to do that for myself?

I crave comfort foods. Yogurt is not a comfort food, at least not for me. Chocolate is a comfort food. I watched Oprah's web cast with Bob Greene on Monday night and they said usually if you're an emotional eater (which I know I am) it's because something is lacking in your life. Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what's lacking in my life - love.

True confession time here - I have never been in love. I've been in lust, and I've been in like, but I've never been in love. I mean, I have a family and friends that love me, but I'm talking about the kind of love between a woman and a man. Friends and family just aren't a subsitute for that. So I try to fill the void with comfort foods - creamy, rich, mostly chocolatey, gooey foods that some people may say are better than sex.

Oprah and Bob also had you draw a circle and divide it into pie-pieces, with each representing an area of your life - family, work, relationships, etc. Then you had to put a + or a - in each pie piece, depending on whether that area was currently working for you. Mine were all negatives. *sigh* No wonder I can't lose weight!

So, what I need to do is find something to take the place of those comfort foods that I tend to reach for. What I should do is exercise, but sometimes when a chocolate craving hits at 10:45 and I'm going to bed at 11, it just isn't practical.

I think I'll go make a yogurt parfait...:)

Sugar, Sugar Everywhere

One of our holiday traditions is making about 1,324,987 kinds of cookies. Okay, maybe not quite that many - more like half a dozen - but at this time a year it certainly seems like it. The problem is, they're all good, yummy, tempting and not exactly what a fat girl trying to lose weight should be eating.

I've actually been pretty good with the cookies this year - I'm enjoying them, but not eating too many. It's not just the cookies, however - there's fudge, too, and we all got chocolate candy in our stockings (I admit, part of that is my fault, but Ghiradelli comes out with pecan pie and peppermint bark flavored squares this time of year and I can't resist). Plus, there's the chocolate cheesecake my sister made for Christmas Eve dinner and the trifle - with homemade custard - she made for Christmas Day dinner (no, my sister's name is not Martha).

The same thing happens every year between Christmas and New Year's - this is the point where I get sugared-out. I seriously think if I eat one more cookie I'm going to go into a diabetic coma. But then my mom says to me yesterday, "You're not eating any of the butter nut balls. I left the powdered sugar off just for you." Guilt! She and my father do this all the time!

My dad has a major sweet tooth and has a frequent shopper card from Entenmann's. He knows I like their crumb cake, so he buys it for me -without me asking him to, by the way - then gets angry when I don't eat it. No matter how many times I tell my family that I am trying to stay away from stuff like that, as best I can, they keep pushing it on me, then make me feel like a bad daughter when I don't eat it. And the kicker is, last month my dad said to me, "You'd better start losing some of that weight." WHAT?!?

I've already informed my mother that I'm going to start eating healthy and clean (I'm not calling it a diet - it's a lifestyle) after the new year and to not be offended when I turn down her fried chicken. But asking my dad not to buy baked goods is an exercise in futility. I'll just give them back to my mom. My dad will be none the wiser.

Reality Bites

Okay, I know it's been for-freaking-ever since I posted. I mean, I was only in Traverse City for four days, but I haven't posted in three months. Ugh. I have fallen so far off the fitness wagon that I can't even see it anymore. But now that it's post-Christmas and New Year's is just around the corner, it's time to re-commit to my programme and get back on track.

My renewed vigor didn't come out of the blue - it had an impetus. I was Christmas shopping at Nordstrom and had to go to the ladies room. If you've ever been in the bathrooms at Nordstrom you know they're very posh - there are two rooms, basically, a "lounge" area with upholstered chairs and a sofa, and a "stall room" with the toilets. At the far end of the stall room, there is a full-length mirror. I walked into the stall room and saw my full-length image from about a 15-foot distance.

It stopped me dead in my tracks. I walked out of the house that morning feeling kind of cute. I was wearing a gray and white long sleeve t-shirt, a black hooded sweatshirt, jeans and Crocs. My reflection, however, looked anything but cute. I looked like a tired, overweight, middle-aged mom. Sigh.

That's not what I want to look like. I looked heavier than I thought I was. My cute "pob" haircut made me look older than I am. I was not happy with how I looked. At all. It was quite a shock.

So, the holiday feeding frenzy is nearly over, and a new year is almost upon us, bringing with it new hopes. I'm going to let myself enjoy the rest of the holiday season and then I'm getting serious. In fact, I will probably have next Friday off work, and I'm already planning a grocery shopping trip to get all kinds of natural, healthy foods for myself.

And I'm growing my hair out.

Hitting the road...

Tomorrow morning I'm heading to Traverse City for Red Wings Training Camp!! I'm kind of nervous because I'm driving alone - I've never driven that far by myself before, because the only time I drive that far is when I'm going on vacation and I don't go on vacation alone. But I'll be meeting lots of friends up there, so it's all good!

Needless to say, the diet is getting suspended until Tuesday. I haven't been able to exercise at all because my ankle is still sore and now my left heel has started to hurt, like it used to when I had heel spurs. Ugh! I'm falling apart.

But when I get back I'm really going to be getting on track again! I want to go to Toronto for Stevie's HOF induction in November 2009 and I don't want to go looking like this!

I will blog about my adventures when I get back...maybe I'll get the chance to have coffee with Chris Chelios this time!

Still Frustrated...

It's been a week since I sprained my ankle and I'm still limping. Not as badly as I had up until today, but it still hurts and I can't walk normally yet. So exercising is out.

I can at least get around, though, unlike last weekend where I just sat around with my foot elevated on pillows, avoiding walking unless I absolutely had to...like having to pee.

So my guess is, I won't be able to start exercising until sometime next week. That'll be two weeks without any exercise. The miniscule amount of momentum I built up before I sprained my ankle is gone.

Ow.

Whoops!

Well, two weeks in and I'm doing so-so. I don't think I've lost any weight, though. I've done some exercising, but as of yesterday I was forced to lay off it for at least a week - I tripped on some uneven concrete and severely sprained my ankle. It's not very swollen but it's really sore and painful. I've been sitting with my leg on pillows most of the day today. I did get crutches but I can't figure out how to use them - I've never had to use crutches before in my life!

So for the next several days I'm going to be kind of laying low. I'll still pay attention to what I'm eating and I can do some upper body workouts, but I won't be able to do much in the way of cardio and definitely no lower body workouts.

A New Way of Eating Begins Sunday

I'm going grocery shopping on Saturday to get myself the foods I need to start my new eating programme. I'm not calling it a diet because the word "diet" generally carries a negative connotation and whatever I do to lose weight is going to be a lifestyle change. To me, a diet is something you go on for a finite period of time. I need to make long-term changes.

At this point, it's not just about my health, which of course is the main priority. I mean, I'm at an age where things will start creeping up on me. I don't want to get diabetes, heart disease, arthritis or any of the other things associated with being overweight. I already have a back problem that is exacerbated by my excess weight.

Frankly, I'm physically uncomfortable. I'm constantly hot, everything feels tight on me and I'm tired of sweating all the time. I haven't worn shorts in 25 years. I haven't worn short sleeved shirts in at least 10 years. My feet and ankles constantly swell and as a result I have trouble getting shoes to fit (thank God for Birkenstocks!). I have indentations in my shoulders from my bra straps and red welts on my sides under my arms from where the wires poke me. For all of you who want bigger boobs, I'm here to tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be.

So yes, I am doing this for my health. I want to be a healthy, vibrant woman who looks HOT (as in sexy, not as in dripping with sweat!). But I am also doing it for my own comfort. It would be nice to wear summer clothes and not have to wear jeans all the time.

So, tomorrow evening I'm going to do my FIRM Power Yoga CD for the first time. I watched it and I think I can do it.

I have to remind myself not to be so impatient to lose the weight. I mean, I'd like it to be gone ASAP, of course, but it's going to take time. This weight loss/health journey is a marathon, not a sprint. Slow and steady wins the race. Be the Tortoise! :)

This is really embarrassing...

I know, I know...I've been AWOL for nearly a year...again. I so suck at this weight loss stuff. Part of it is my fault - hey, I'm not above admitting I'm a contributor to my weight issues. But truth be told, a lot of it has to do with my thyroid.

I spent much of the last year in a lethargic stupor. The one word I can use to describe myself over the last twelve months is exhausted. I would wake up in the morning thinking about going to bed at night. I was taking 2-hour naps three to four evenings a week. And much of this lethargy was due to my thyroid.

Not to mention my back issues...thankfully I found a sympathetic chiropractor who is working with me to get me on the road to movement.

I am finally back on my thyroid meds, and my back is starting to feel a bit better, so I am feeling renewed determination. Of course, part of it is just that I feel so...mahoosive.

So, here's the plan - Tosca Reno's Clean Eating program seems like a good one and I am going to give it a go. The whole gist of the program is that you eat food as close to its natural state as possible. In other words, minimally processed. Lots of good, healthy foods. I eat way too much processed stuff so this may initially be a shock to my system but once I start feeling better and seeing progress, it will get easier.

As for fitness, since I haven't been able to do much, I am going to start slowly. I have The FIRM's Power Yoga CD, so I am going to do that until I get some flexibility back and build up some core strength. Once I achieve that, I will start working out with my FIRM CD's again.

Hey, I'm 43...I'm not getting younger. I certainly don't feel, look - or act - my age, but I have been overweight to varying degrees most of my life and it is time to take control of my weight. I am in charge, but I don't want to be large anymore!

Well, it's 2 AM, I'm tired and it's past time for bed. Grocery shopping awaits me later today. I'm going to buy healthy food.

Today's Food

So far today I have just had breakfast and a snack. I'm not much of a lunch person when I'm not working or working at home.

Breakfast -
One onion bagel with 2 tbsp. margarine
Coffee with sugar-free flavored powdered coffee cream (Coffee Mate Sugar Free Hazelnut)

Snack -
About 1 cup of pita chips (Stacy's Pita Chips, Bare Naked flavor, which is lightly salted with sea salt)
Water

That's it. I know, not much. And no protein. I need protein. Maybe I need to invest in some beef jerky.

I don't think I'll be doing any workouts today - my left hip is hurting so bad it's painful to walk. I slept hard on my left side so I think I messed it up with my crappy mattress. I'll give it a rest today and try a ball workout tomorrow.

I'll post the rest of the day this evening.

Gotta do it!

Yeah, I know...it's been over a year. I so suck at this weight loss stuff.

I'm trying, honestly I am, but I just can't seem to do it. Plus my back is seriously out and I can't go to a chiropractor because I am still out of work (for the most part - anyone want to buy some Avon?) and I have no money. Excuses? Sure, maybe they look that way, but YOU try exercising when just bending over to pick up your cat's food bowls causes you to need to sit down for a minute or two before continuing. Any kind of twisting, turning, bending or stooping is problematic.

Anyway, I look like a walrus in a recent photo. Which is not something I aspire to look like. So, I need to figure something out here. Just what it is, I don't know at this point. I have one of those big exercise balls and supposedly they are good for people with bad backs, so I am going to try that workout and see how much I can do. I know if you can strengthen your core it will help your back, so that is my goal with the ball. Provided I can do it.

As for food, I need to do something fairly structured, because I notice if I don't I really have a tendency to stray...far. I don't do well with diets like South Beach, where you cannot eat certain food groups (i.e. bread) for extended periods of time. So I am going to look at The FIRM's 30 Day Diet (which can be extended indefinitely - it is just called the 30 Day Diet because there are 30 days' worth of meal plans), Bob Greene's Best Life Diet and Dr. Oz's YOU on a Diet, and see which one I think I can stick with the best. My biggest problem with diets is I don't like most vegetables, and I hate fish. Money is also an issue, as I don't have much to spend on "special" foods and will need to make due with whatever is in the house at present. Oh yeah, and copious amounts of chocolate usually aren't on the list of foods you can eat.

So for the next couple of days I am going to do a little research to see what diet will be best for me and make honest attempts at exercising. I do not think I am going to do any of The FIRM's workouts right now because I am not sure my back can handle it. Plus I think I am far too fat for The FIRM...maybe when I lose 20-30 pounds I will start up with The FIRM again.

Well, it is late and I am tired so I will sign off for tonight. I will start tracking my food in the morning, even though I will not be following a specific diet plan just yet.

Good night, and sweet skinny dreams...

Not quite a size 8 yet...lol

I am finally back after a long absence. It has been a really rough few months...I seriously fell "off the wagon" but I need to get back on track. I cannot do much in the way of exercise because my back problem came back with a venegance, so I'm trying some very gentle yoga and I'm going to try riding my exercise bike, too. I'm taking an herbal medication called Zyflamend, which is a combination of eight herbs that has been compared in effectiveness to presrciption drugs like Vioxx and Celebrex. Hopefully it works.

Anyway, here is what I have had so far today -

Breakfast:
Two slices of toast with margarine, coffee with sugar-free Coffee Mate

Lunch:
One small apple, one ounce of shaved parmesan cheese; one handful (approx. 10) almonds, iced tea

I'll post dinner and snackies later. Right now I'm planning on having spinach and cheese ravioli for dinner (no sauce, just sprinkled with grated parmesan and Italian herbs) and a spinach salad. I'll probably have baked Lays for a snack this evening.

That's all for now...:)

Getting Serious

Okay, I've been goofing around for too long...it's time for me to get serious here. My first excuse was that I didn't have the right food in the house. Then it was my birthday. Then it was my weekend vacation in Columbus. Now it's Easter.

But Easter will be over Sunday. And then there will be no more excuses...no birthdays coming up on which to have a piece of cake (with the most frosting, of course), no parties or out-of-town weekends to use as reasons not to follow a healthy eating plan.

I have leftover money from my weekend trip - I'm going to go to the grocery store and stock up on what I need to eat healthy. I'm going to follow The FIRM's 30-Day Diet as closely as possible, making subsitutions for foods I don't like or that may be inconvenient (such as cooking something for lunch, since I don't get lunches at work).

No more excuses...if other people who are far heavier and far busier than I am can do it, then so can I.

Another Thought of the Day

And once again it is from Laura from The FIRM:

"It IS important to focus on long term results, but is equally important to enjoy the journey in getting there. I know it is incredibly hard to change life-long habits, and to make choices that are very different than you are used to making; however, I also know that if you make one little positive adjustment in your thinking, you will be able to see your journey in a whole new, and wonderful, light.

If you will take a minute to recognize the enormouos potential and power that are in your hands, and then you take the next minute to decide how you want to use them, you can do anything you want to accomplish. If you will acknowledge to yourself that every step you make in the right direction is worthwhile, and then congratulate yourself on making that step, you will gain confidence and pleasure throughout your entire journey.

You know you will love it when you reach the end of your journey, but why wait to love that?? Love that you are on the journey. Love that you are living the journey. Love that you are able to make the journey. Most importantly love yourself for even thinking about the journey -- you chose to do this, ENJOY it!"